5 Jul 2015

Bend Over So That We Can Stick Another 4th Of July Firecracker Up Your Arse, America. Kind Regards, The Elite.

Happy 4th of July US people, hope you get your country back soon, but don't panic just yet, Rumour has it that Nestle will sell your water back to you at reasonable ransom. I mean rates. Monsanto's sorry about the whole bee fiasco but will make it up to farmers by getting good rates on their repossessed farms from the banks to rent back to them and might even pay them a small salary as gene patented crops will be made available for all your benefit.
Thats right, you and I get to eat their property if we are lucky, they own the food even after we pay for it in a manner of speaking, ain't they swell?

To the unions and middle class, um, never mind...

To Detroit and the motor industry, we may witness a raise in McDonald's & Walmart min wages to provide you with new careers and keep boosting those jobs figures! Yay. Go team!
Of course we'll be docking multinationals taxes and upping yours so we can enrich our kind folk at the Military Industrial complex. Er, I mean guard against low Russian Gas prices, sorry I mean Russian aggression as their border moves towards our new Eastern European military bases with open hostility and stationary deceptiveness. Also, those coups in the old eastern block are expensive and our costly fracking shale gas costs a hell of a lot, because its flavored with pure environment, so its a superior product, by that I mean superior high costs at least.

Lets be realistic though guys, there may be the odd funding cut though, like in education and roadworks etc along with other low priority stuff. You can't have it all.

The poor banks keep failing and debt is tragically high, but don't panic, that's what pensions are for! Just kidding, ha ha, we won't use your pensions, they likely went already invested in AAA rated junk bonds to build our massive engineering legacy, the derivative Great Pyramid, the one with that market value figure so silly and high you probably realized we were making a little joke. Eleventy five bazillion gazillion shazallion dollars, those same dollars which go up in value against emerging market currencies whenever we print each new worthless one! In similar sorcery we reduce the gold price vs $ somehow as demand climbs! We use magic spells to defeat economics.  Think of it as a nice party trick, for free. Lol kidding, there's a fee.

We got your backs! And balls. You may get them and other body parts we may come to posses, on financed terms at your friends neighborhood bank. Hurry, they will soon be owned by JP Morgan Chase.

Um  also,...what else, oh yeah Welfare's broke , sorry to the poor and infirm but you understand of course there is only enough for bank bailouts, the banksters need their welfare more than you do, they don't waste it on food, they finance stuff, like their helicopters and yachts.

If you are really in a fix cheer yourself up with a loan. I say cheer because we can all have a little chuckle together because we won't really lend to money silly, we just invent it, we gave ourselves permission, but charge you interest and claim your mortgage surety if you default anyway.
You're welcome.

Don't forget to celebrate our puppets, I mean democracy, again next year, another fine election is lining up with much progress being made.
Choose ..Um,... Bush or Clinton, er, again...um,
Don't thank us yet, Putin may take it all away from you tomorrow. Or not. Got anything left? No? Then he will do it because he hates our freedom, which is now taxable by the way.